dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
