ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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