so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
