The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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