Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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