Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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