Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
