I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
