I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
