he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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