We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
