do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
