WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
even my farts smell like vagina
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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