I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
