Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
