9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
