We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
