you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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