around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
