Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
