i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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