Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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