At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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