you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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