So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
