I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
