apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
