it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
