Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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