susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
