I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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