Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
