hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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