I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
