My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
