she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
a search helicopter?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
