The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
