I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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