My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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