Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
