I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
