dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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