I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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