so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
