I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
