Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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