We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
