You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he thought i was a dude.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
