I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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