Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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