is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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