yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
