we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
