i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
