I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
