But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
