I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
