So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
