New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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